She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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