I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
