Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
