right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Panties = found
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
