the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
