It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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