That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
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he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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