you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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