That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
