I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
