If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
