People with herpes should wear stickers.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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