Define "chronic" masturbator.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
