My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
