Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
