i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Mom said you looked used
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
