the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
