I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize