mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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