Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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