my vag is so smooth its legendary
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
