if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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