I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
