Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
