I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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