I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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