he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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