just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
