If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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