You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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