last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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