Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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