Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Welp...herpes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
