You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
