Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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