i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
