I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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