R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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