Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
