I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
