our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
