Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
