It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
