I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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