Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sorry my hands just texted you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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