Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
