Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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