the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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