If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i think i just lost a toe
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
