She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
