I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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