did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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