have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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