I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
