So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
