I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have already put on my inside pants.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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