i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
