my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
