Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
