Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Who died my cat blue again?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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