Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ttyl tear gas
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
