too bad you live with your parents still
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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