cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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