Where did you get a picture of my penis
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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