I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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