woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
